Maintaining the long-term view
This is an entry from my journal. I describe how I do not lose my patience while working in my land.
22:45 local time. Heavy rainfall, strong winds, and low temperature. This is how the whole day unfolded. The forecast is for more rain until the end of the month, albeit at a lesser intensity.
The flood-control and anti-erosion projects I have been working on have held well. Today was the most demanding stress test. I started thinking of how to control floods at a time when there were barely any rainy days. I knew that I needed to be ready for that eventuality. But I do not rest on my laurels. My approach has been a success thus far, though the execution of it can always be improved.
This morning I inspected the parts bordering the nearby stream. They could benefit from some further reinforcements, namely, an extra layer of stone and gravel. I had already collected a large pile of gravel from the stream before it got flooded. It probably fills up three handcarts. I then walked by the nearby river to collect large rocks. Some of them I could barely lift off the ground. Little by little, I placed them in the handcart and placed them where they needed to be.
In the coming days, I will collect more stones. I need them to reinforce the stairs on the side of the hillock where the solar panels are. When I first did those, I merely carved them into the mountain. They are just soil. Continuous exposure to rainfall will turn any stepped surface into a slide. This is because of how the water accumulates until it eventually flows down, thus movign the soil with it and creating the slope. Adding stones on the top and the base of each stair ensures that rainwater cannot have this effect. I have successfully done this already in some other parts. Time to update the oldest staircase I built here almost three years ago.
Doing anything in the rain is not comfortable. At least not when you need to muster the willpower to start working. Past experience helps though, as you know that the initial discomfort quickly fades. The difficulty, then, consists in not losing your resolve within those first few seconds. Having a good reason to act is also helpful, if not essential: it compels you to move outside of your comfort zone and it makes you more invested in a positive outcome. If you do not believe in the cause, you will struggle to cope with the challenge. Belief is what grants a person the power to fight against all the odds.
What underpins my efforts is the longer-term understanding of my situation. I do not feel entitled to wellness. It was never easy out there, except when I was a baby being taken care of by my parents. I accept all the intermediate problems as part of the larger process that is my life. I have my land and am improving it as I go. It will eventually be a decent and safe place. This is how an acorn develops into a vulnerable sprout, then a flimsy little tree, until it eventually becomes a majestic oak tree.
I understand that I cannot rush things into existence. They can only happen organically, as the cumulative effect of deeds that occur at a smaller scale. Everything takes time. To move a few large rocks here I need a couple of hours. To then do something useful with them is another labour-intensive endeavour that will typically take up an entire morning.
When you are in the mode of doing, patience comes naturally. It would make no sense to become whinny, for example, about the fact that my original staircase is not perfect. I understood the trade-offs back then when I needed to have access to the hillock in order to install the solar panels and move on to the rest of the house. And I remain aware of the costs and benefits at each stage.
Conversely, when you operate exclusively at the level of aspirations and wishful thinking, you have no frame of reference, no sense of the economics of your limited resources, and thus no room for patience. Same principle for disconcerted, ill-thought initiatives: you have to know what you want and what your priorities are. Having electricity and a roof over my head was more important at that time than making sure the staircase would not be prone to erosion after a few years of continuous exposure to the elements.
It is fine to be demanding and to seek perfection. I want to be the best version of myself and continuously try to push the boundaries. Though perfectionism can easily lead to inaction when it develops into an intolerance towards intermediate—occasionally makeshift and outright unappealing—arrangements.
I know not to worry about marginal gains when I have bigger issues to focus on. The “good enough” or the “workable” is all I need at this point. The strategy is one of preserving my vitality, the core of my presence here, and then gradually expanding its reach. There are so many interesting things I can do in my land. It would be cool, for instance, to have a traditional oven somewhere outside. But this is an item for the wishlist. It cannot be done now or in the foreseeable future.
I am aware of my past and of how I ended up in this predicament. I understand the “why” I am putting myself through the rigours. And I have knowledge of the “what” I am working towards. The mind is clear. There are no distractions, no unattainable and ultimately wasteful wants. My thoughts will simply not set me up for failure. The body is thus empowered to be tenacious and relentless.