Re: how to avoid doing XYZ when I want to do ABC?
The following is an excerpt from a private exchange. The details of my correspondent remain private, as I am publishing this with permission. The indented/quoted part comes from my correspondent.
The question I have for you is one related to behaviour. I have been informally studying, and trying to practically apply, philosophy for about three years now. While I can say with confidence that I have learned a little about it, I am hesitant in claiming I have learned how to live it. I have had months in which I feel in control of my actions and in touch with the world, but they are dispersed by periods where my impulses have the reigns. The recurring pitfall I find myself in, is simplified as follows:
- Through reflection I have realised that XYZ is bad for me.
- Likewise I realised that ABC is good for me or necessary.
- When the time arises for ABC, I do XYZ.
In general XYZ is easily accessible and gives instant gratification, while ABC requires effort and the fruits are not borne until later. An example of XYZ is wasting time away e.g. on YouTube, whereas ABC is writing my thesis.
It feels very silly when written out like this, and the answer would be to just do ABC. I believe that in moments where I am at a crossroads between the good and bad actions, I push my reason aside and simply indulge in the instant gratification given by XYZ.
I was wondering if you have had experience with or any thoughts on this. I want to be able to rely on myself, but it feels as if deep inside I do not truly want to give up my bad habits. Perhaps I am scared of the notion of a life where I am missing out on many conveniences. How do you keep yourself in check once you decide not to do XYZ, especially in moments where it feels as if your body yearns for it?
I think this is a case of conditioning. It is not about how well you understand what you want to do or how bad the consequences are of the behaviour you are trying to avoid. It is not even a matter of how strongly you believe in your values.
Conditioning is about the automaticity that we naturally build for everything. One way to understand this is with the muscle memory that helps you type on the keyboard. Your fingers know where to be and your hands move accordingly without you having to think about each tiny motion again and again. Even if you are not a proper touch typist you still have embedded in your body a certain memory of how things are done.
The body does this to economise on the consumption of energy. It is equivalent to the cache on the computer. The upside is that we do not have to relearn everything on a continuous basis, which is energy-intensive. Think how much time/effort it would take to relearn how to type each day or even multiple times per day—and then extend that to everything you have learnt. Same if the computer needs to re-run all the computations from zero to get the values it needs each time: it becomes increasingly burdensome to do anything. The downside of this conservation of energy is that we embed potentially harmful patterns that are then hard to undo, just how it is difficult to retrain our muscle memory.
In the scenario you describe, conditioning involves situational memory. It is about the association of a certain place with a given activity and its attendant stimuli. To change the activity, then, you need to break that association. One approach is to have the iron will to “just do it”, but I personally have little faith in that being successful, as it requires discipline that can only be developed over time (and if you had that then we would not be having this exchange). The other approach, which I prefer, is to physically remove yourself from that place and to do something else instead.
For example, sitting at your computer in the afternoon triggers you to perform some mentally harmful activity. You then need to catch yourself early in the action. Once you are done with the task you actually wish to accomplish switch off the computer and leave the room. Go outside for a walk, play some sport, do gardening, make your own bread and cook a nice meal, or stick to literally anything that requires some attention while keeping you physically away from the computer. You want to keep a distance from the situation that enables the pernicious activity for as long as possible. This distance is physical at first and becomes mental over time, at which point you are in control of your behaviour rather than the behaviour being in control of you.
Creating such a separation will allow you to gradually weaken and eventually dismantle the connections you once had, while creating new and benign ones in their stead.
You mention yearning, so let me offer a concrete example from 20 years ago when I quit junk food (and related). On my way back home from university there was a fast food restaurant. I would think of its servings even when it was closed, which is how I noticed the aforementioned situational memory. So I decided to circumvent it. Instead of taking the short and direct way that connected my apartment to the campus, I would go on a big detour. This was beneficial for me, anyway, as I walked more and got to explore the area, but it also helped me uproot the yearning. I was then free from the desire and could pass in front of the restaurant without feeling the pull it once had on me.
There is some level of required discipline to do this on your own. The more disciplined you are, the easier it is to commit to a course of action and sustain it long-term. Otherwise, you have to create arrangements that reinforce your new direction. For example, if it is a social activity then you have other people keeping you engaged (and thus away from what you do not want to do). If it is food you are making, then make sure it is the kind of meal that demands your attention, as opposed to baking something for 2 hours. I will not belabour the point with examples. I do not know the exact situation you are describing in abstract terms, though I am confident you can figure out the details once you notice the dynamics.
Finally, about the study of philosophy. I am, of course, fine with that. Though I consider it a trap to commit to the self-invigorating cycle of reading and thinking. The reason is that it represents a turn inward from which it is difficult to escape and which will eventually inhibit your decision-making. In sustained inwardness you will only find mental illness. Learn, instead, to maintain a balance between intellectual matters and physical activity. Do not live in your head. To live in your head sometimes is enriching. To live in your head the whole time is a death sentence.